Ashley Madison and Noel Biderman are Blacklisted Because Infidelity Doesn’t Sell
Sex may sell, but infidelity does not. An MSN Money article entitled “When cheating on your spouse is big business,” examines AshleyMadison.com, the dating service created for people that are married but seeking affairs. Noel Biderman founded the site and has attracted extremely large amounts of traffic. His only complaint is that companies are refusing to advertise on his site, and are also refusing to accept his marketing dollars. Kerry Gold, the author, says Biderman feels he is being “unfairly blacklisted with decisions that are made arbitrarily instead of being based on business acumen.” Perhaps Biderman is mistaken.
Business acumen, the ability to make profitable business decisions, is exactly the reason advertisers are refusing to work with Biderman. Advertisers are not interested in AshleyMadison.com making money; they are concerned with their own bottom line. The fact that Biderman has become “blacklisted” in the business world means one thing: Cheating unfortunately occurs, but it’s not popular or profitable.
Businesses wisely avoid association with Biderman’s pro-cheating platform because breaking apart families does not convert into dollars for any business but his own and divorce attorneys. Who would buy a product or service from a company that openly endorses infidelity and all the turmoil that is associated with it?
The statistics quoted prove that “more than 50 percent of men and women admit to cheating within a relationship at least once.” This may be true. However, the fact that cheating on a spouse is still not socially accepted enough to gain endorsements shows that deep down the underlying goal and ideal of most married couples is to make things work.
An interesting finding in the article is that when Biderman designed his marketing approach, he specifically wanted to “avoid attracting porn users.” It is clear why he would want to avoid targeting these married porn users. Married couples who enjoy porn together clearly have the opportunity to heighten their sexual experiences and explore their fantasies together. Targeting married couples that are sexually satisfied would be a waste of his marketing dollars since they would be less interested in cheating.
Biderman tried to make infidelity seem trendy. Instead his ideas have backfired. His situation of becoming “blacklisted” by advertisers is a strong affirmation to the institution of marriage. People may make mistakes in their marriages, but at least infidelity is still perceived as distasteful and unacceptable instead of common.
As a polyamory advocate I tend to take a “come to Jesus” approach to the subject of cheating. Part of the reason I am a polyamorist is that I grew sick of seeing the pain and suffering that came about in my own marriage and in those of friends and family when trust was broken as the result of the discovery of a secret, non-consensual extramarital affair.
Polyamory is the ability and desire of consenting adults to engage in more than one loving, intimate, long-term relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of all involved. It is not the same thing as cheating because trust and promises are not broken.
I’ve always found the Ashley Madison site to be sad and even somewhat repugnant. If people aren’t getting their needs met in their marriage, then they should renegotiate the terms of the marriage, whatever the results may be. It’s the only ethical way to go.
That said, I understand why people choose to cheat – our society pressures us to accept lifelong monogamy as the only means of getting our need for love and companionship met. It is a fine option for many people, but only if it is entered into intentionally and if those involved keep their promises or renegotiate if they can’t.
It’s enlightening to read the works of Dr. Helen Fisher, who makes it clear as an anthropologist and sociologist that humans are not hard wired for monogamy, though they are hard wired to pair bond – just not exclusively. Polyamory is not better than monogamy, but it’s a hell of a lot better than cheating.
Fantastic Website! Continue the great job!
Thank you So much!